[	Tags	|	memories	]
[	Location	|	Chelseas room	]
[	Mood	|	complacent	]

I sat down on the white sand just far enough so the cold water couldn't reach me. Picking up a handful of the soft hand I let it sift through my fingers. Like the sands of time I thought. The sands of time had run out. For her atleast. This was where she was now. In body and spirit. When the last of the sand had left my hand I started to cry. It's not fair. She was always there for me and now, just like that she's gone. I feel so alone. I dug my fingers into the sand and bit down on the inside of my cheeks to keep from screaming. I had held it in for so long; all of that pain and anguish. It was tearing me apart. I had thought coming here to say my final goodbyes would give me closure. I was wrong. I just wanted her back. I wiped the tears from my face roughly, scratching my cheeks with sand that had clung to my hands. I was angry now. Angry at myself for not letting go. Angry that she was taken from me. Right before I had become an adult. Before I could graduate, have a family or get married. I slowly and shakily stood up and started towards the bright foamy ocean water. When the water reached my ankles I stopped and got used to the freezing waters. When my body had finally gotten numb, I reached into my pocket and pulled out a Carnation. Her favorite flower. It was slightly crushed but still beautiful. Like when she was dying. She seemed to shrink into herself but she had always looked beautiful to me. Even up untilt hat last night. I tore off the petals one by one and dropped them into the water Slowly the current carried them out and my hands were empty. I waited. I waited to feel closure. It wasn't there. Maybe it would never come. Maybe I could never let go of the fact she was truly gone. I waded back out of the water and back up the beach. Taking one final look at the horizen I said goodbye until the nect time I would be her. I love you.